How to Raggify an Adventure

 Over at the blog for the Lamentations of the Flame Princess game (which is a totally awesome re-imagining of classic D&D, with a really nice horror veneer put on top of it), there is a posting titled:

"How to Raggify an Adventure"

These are ways to totally AWESOME-IZE an adventure.

I post the author's list below, and if you are either a player or a GM of table top RPGs, you'll realize how hilarious this list is.

[by the way, for details on how to get Lamentations of the Flame Princess, visit the author's web store here.]

12 ways to creep up some random moldy old module. i.e. roll on this chart to make any adventure more Raggian.

1. Put a Deck of Many Things in the first encounter area.
2. Randomly select an encounter area. Simply replace it with another randomly selected encounter area from a randomly selected other adventure in your collection.
3. Reverse the hit point totals of everything in the adventure (12hp becomes 21, 40hp becomes 4, etc).
4. Randomly select a page in the adventure and begin reading. The next mention of any sort of liquid in the adventure, change it to "semen."
5. Select one monster in the adventure randomly and multiply its hit points by 10. You're not supposed to be able to defeat everything, you know.
6. Replace all of the magic items in the adventure with cursed counterparts.
7. Put so many goddamn warning signs and spooky buildup to the dungeon that the players actually get freaked out and consider just quitting instead of playing the damn game. "Gorfar the Barbarian will settle for a farming life after all if adventuring means going in places like *that*."
8. Insert an old crotchety and harmless NPC into some room (maybe as a prisoner if it's a dungeon adventure) who has no purpose other than telling the PCs how much they suck at adventuring.
9. Go to Metal-Archives.com. Hit "Random Band." The first song title of the first item of the discography is the new name of the most important enemy/monster/NPC in the adventure.
10. The next halfling the PCs encounter in the adventure should be replaced with Elijah Wood's Kevin from Sin City.
11. Turn on the TV right now. The first person you see on the screen? That person is the first NPC you present to the PCs.
12. Everything that's supposed to be hostile in the adventure runs away from the party. When they get to the end of the dungeon, they find it's just been solved/looted by their higher-level future selves who have time traveled back to solve this adventure. They tell the PCs "Sorry about this, I remember when this happened and it really sucked, but nothing to be done about it. Cheerio!" and they disappear. All those enemies that ran away have returned to their posts, and this time they won't run.

(by the way, I have employed some of these techniques in my game over the years.  If you have played in them, see if you can guess which ones)