Wednesday, October 1, 2008

19th Century Imaginations - Shots fired at Vulgarian Prince!

Things are rapidly coming to a head in Balkania. With the Pan-Urb league pushing ever stronger for their own state, and relations among the ancient states of the troubled region, how long will it be before this powder keg erupts into open war!

Clearly the Prince of Vulgaria had no idea that August 30 was the anniversary of the brutal response to the Fez Uprising, in 1346. Otherwise he would not have been traveling with such a small entourage. In fact, Det. Levantine of the police department of Papaschlemo has scoffed the security efforts of the Prince publicly, while posting handbills describing the open-topped nature of the Prince's carriages, and noting the best angle for taking a shot at the occupants of such a carriage. When asked about such actions, the Detective responded, "We are just pointing out the weaknesses in the Prince's plan. What the good citizens of Papaschlemo do with such information is their own business. Especially my good for nothing brother, who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn."

The Embassy of the Kingdom of the Three Sicilies couldn't be reached for comment, but when the Vulgarian Ambassador was contacted, he responded, "Oh, so the Prince was shot at? Well, we were wondering where he got to."

The official Paypale position is unknown yet, yet it is likely to be arriving escorted by the four battalions of Schniss guards who are escorting Cardinal Robin in the region, on his mission of peace.

The Daily Balkanian will continue to report on events as they unfold, however making sure that all of your wives (and their sisters) are safely at home at night seems to be a wise course of action. Also make sure you have plenty of ammunition. The 43rd peace talks are about to begin.


Anonymous said...

We didn't do it! We didn't do it! The Prince of Vulgaria didn't even owe us money! We have no association with the Pan-Urb movement. The Kingdom of Three Sicilies does consider itself as the Leader of the Pan-Italian Coalition (Pan-IC), an organization devoted to the care, protection, and ultimate unification of all Italians into The Kingdom of Three Sicilies, the True Home of All Italians. Though we do support Pan-IC in Balkania, no one can rightly blame us for pandering to the Pan-Urbs.

Count Erico, Prince del' Balkania, Prime Minister to His Most Reactionary Majesty, Ferdinand XXII, the Borboni King of the Three Sicilies

Anonymous said...

His Wholiness deeply regrets this who controversy. Can't we all just get along?
The paranoic ramblings of the Bourbony Kings His Wholiness dismisses as the fever rambling of a family who knows that their reward isn't to be in Heaven, as His Wholinesshas already put a call in. The Wholy-Paoli Empire shall rise again, and the errant children, heathen, apostates, and relentlessly snarky shall be cast down!
Bless you, children; you have been warned.
For the paepal we'll see,
In the name of the one true scale, 54mm, etc,
Carlos, Cardinal for taking pictures of foreign affairs.

Anonymous said...

Effendi Chuck,

As the representative of his most Exalted Khedive of Turkylvanian, Emir Sultan Ad-Barah Khe'dabre, Favored of the Profit, Destined to one day restore Lost Beylik of Balkania to the Sublime Turkylvanian Empire, I send you greetings! On behalf of the Exhalted Khedive, Etc, Etc, I wish to formally register a protest most strongly against the vile and untrue accusations that the Turkylvanian Empire was behind the Urbic shooting incident involving the Vulgarian Prince Vulgus Vulgari. The Exhalted Khedive, Etc, Etc, does not and never will support the unfounded, foolish, and otherwise vaccuous claims of the Urbs and their Pan-Urb handers-on to "sovreignty." Not while our fellow Turkylvanian countrymen and co-religionists the ExUrbs and SubUrbs remain oppressed and in a state of statelessness.

Thus sayeth El-vilhi Khe'kneevili, Grand Vizier to the Exhalted Khedive, Etc, Etc.